How To Tell The Bulldogs Apart, Part 5

I'm going to focus on the senior players now and knock this thing over.

21. Jason AkermanisCome on, even you must have heard of Aker! Everybody knows Aker. Limelight-seeking, goateed player who has signed on for one last year with a massive pay cut, because he knows the Doggies are this close. Always controversial, refreshingly honest and a very smart footballer who can pull a goal out of thin air. Used to play for Brisbane, where he'd perform a handstand at every victory. The Dogs have put a stop to that, but we still love him. Guaranteed media career after retirement.

22. Dylan Addison
Other players love DFA because he's so hard at the ball. Fearless, even when he's not skilful. Known as Dylan ****ing Addison because when Johnno presented him with his jumper before his first game, he gave an expletive-riddled speech of encouragement to the new player ("You've earned this ****ing jumper, Dylan ****ing Addison!") not realising he was live on national television. Ha ha ha.

25. Ryan Hargrave
Michael's favourite player. Known as Shaggy. As in Scooby Doo. Occasionally very, very good goal-stopper, but again, inconsistent (think I might be onto something here...)

27. Will Minson
Ah, Big Will. I could write a whole blog post about Big Will and still not fully explore the paradox that is, according to his coach, the "dumbest smart man in football." As someone else pointed out, most footballers are clever on the football field and stupid off it. With Big Will, it's the other way around. He speaks German, plays the saxophone and possesses an eclectic fashion sense; not only does he have chiselled cheekbones and sculptured pecs, he can speak in whole sentences. And yet at least once a game he does something totally dumb, like walk across the mark and give away a free kick. But he is turning into an excellent ruckman.

28. Barry HallYou must have heard of BAZZA!! At least if you live in Melbourne, you must have. Big Bad Bustling Barry Hall became a Bulldog this year in a blaze of publicity, after being sacked from Sydney for thuggish behaviour on the field (ie he couldn't seem to stop punching people). Will the Bulldogs be his salvation? Will he be the salvation of the Bulldogs? The signs are promising so far. He is the big marking forward that the Bulldogs have conspicuously lacked in the last few years. And Barry looks happy, getting much more of the ball from the free-flowing Dogs than he was allowed to enjoy with the defensive, stop-start style of the Swans. A match made in heaven? Let's hope so. Everyone says he's a lovely guy. But gee, he looks scary. I'm glad he's on our side.

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